This has been a rough week. I didn’t get the salary increase I hoped for with my new responisibilites. I am basically in a trial period where I need to prove myself.

The amazing thing about all this is two months ago I had this discussion with my mentor about how much I hated this reorganization. My mentor encouraged me to look at the reorganization as a potential for growth and that I may have the possiblity to create my own job.

That is exactly what has happened! How cool is that? Months ago I drafted a “dream job description” and now most of that is on my real job description.

So what is the difference between who I am not versus who I was a few months ago? Perception.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I got sick and had to go to the doctor, then my car broke down on the way home. Normally I would have been in tears and resorted to soaking in the tub to flush the misery away.

But instead I rolled with it. Life happens. Things happen. I was even able to attend a business function last night and remain in good spirits. Again it is how we perceive and react to things that holds the key to our success and happiness. It’s our choice to be happy or not. So what will you choose?

I can honestly say that even though I am extremely busy and sick, I’ve never felt more confident, alive, and happy.

Life is good.

One of the interesting things about going through the EQmentor program is that I am seeing mentors everywhere now and often in unexpected ways and places.

I have quite a few informal mentors. Each of these people has different skills, knowledge, and abilities. The key is knowing who to go to and when.

For instance I have one friend/colleague who I can go to any time I have a problem where I’m just not sure what to do and where to start from. Another friend/colleague is always there when I need someone to vent to or just to listen. Yet another friend/colleague is well versed in how to get people to say yes.

Notice I refer to each of these people as friends as well as colleagues. This wasn’t always the case. I have been burned in the past by friends on the job, but I have found through our professional/work/mentoring relationship a friendship has developed. I’ve come to realize that this is not a bad thing. We spend nearly 1/3 of our lives at work so doesn’t it make sense to carefully establish some friendships.

Ironically I bet none of these people realizes that they are acting in a mentoring capacity. In fact if you look at the traditional mentoring definition these relationships may not even qualify.

Dictionary.com defines a mentor as:

1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher
2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter

EQmentor is redefining mentoring as a process and not an outcome–”to get knowledge to those who need it so that they can make better decisions. With this definition, we should be open to multiple sources of knowledge.”

So who is your mentor? Where do you go to find out the things you need to know? Who or what is your source of information?

This morning I met with my boss who offered me a promotion. I can’t believe it. Although I don’t know why I can’t believe it. I’ve so totally earned this and worked so hard. My role will be similar to what I do now except that I will be responsible for the whole area that I work in and coaching and mentoring about 50 employees.

So this is wonderful news as I will have more responsibility and greater influence to impact my organization in a positive way.

For now my title will not change, but hey it’s all about the work we do not what we are called.

Tomorrow we are having another meeting and I am considering asking for a small salary increase. It’s hard working for a non-profit–you almost feel guilty. But I also know I could go to the private sector and make close to double what I am paid now. I know it’s not all about money but it would be nice to be compensated fairly. I think that shows value and faith in employees.

You know I owe a debt of gratitude to EQmentor and my mentor. The past few months I have become a totally different person. If I had not been going through this process to improve my EQ skills I’m not sure that things would have turned out this way.

So thank you EQmentor and my mentor (whoever you are). It’s been awesome to have him or her to discuss all these issues with and to bounce ideas off of. My mentor has helped guide me through this entire process, and since he or she is from outside my organization the mentor brings a fresh perspective to things.

I am so glad I have made this investment in myself. I have to say there is work involved. Your mentor will not think for you, but rather guide you in the right direction. Learning…that’s what it’s all about.

So for the next few weeks if I don’t post as much know that I am currently overextended. I seem to have a problem saying no to things. I literally have more work than I can complete by the end of June. It is all high priority and none of it can be delayed.

Part of this was poor planning and procrastination on my part. I’m not normally like that but have been rather apathetic about my job for a few months this year.

So now it is crunch time! I will we working every waking hour. Thank goodness my spouse takes care of the kids during times like this when I need to burn the midnight oil.

If you have any tips on how you like to organize and track projects, please post them in the comments!

An important lesson I’ve learned this month is that other people’s lack of planning does not have to become my emergency. The same people always wait until the last minute to put their requests in to me. This has to change. Today I spent half a day working on something that someone could have completed a month ago.

You may have seen this list already but if not take a look. I love to print and post these things at work!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a DVR. Tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement; ‘My purpose is to __ today.’
5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga or stretching, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Try & pay an honest compliment to someone you wouldn’t normally.
18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years,will this matter?’
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
30. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing!
35. Call your family often.
36. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __. Today I accomplished _____.
37. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
38. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
39. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change.
40. Share these tips with others.

One of the cool things offered by EQmentor is scheduled chat sessions. Again it is all anonymous, but the sessions are open to all mentors and mentees. The chats last an hour, take place in the evening, and are facilitated by a mentor (though other mentors join in). The topics vary but relate to EQ or business issues such as: communication skills, women as leaders, managing a multi-generational workforce, succession planning, innovation in organizations.

The sessions are always lively and it helps to be a fast typer and reader. It’s great to connect with a group of people all at the same time going through the same experience and discuss relevant topics. Each person brings his or her own ideas and experiences to the session so there is always a lot to learn.

The facilitating mentors do a good job of keeping everyone on topic and really questioning you so that you think deeper. For instance during a session about innovation I went in thinking that I am already an expert at that. But the facilitator saw that and pushed me to think and analyze a little further.

There is a person I work with I’ll call Anne. We started at our organization at close to the same time. I’ve always admired her presence–the way she carries herself, her appearance, her professionalism. Seriously she could be the next CEO. Since we’ve both been at the same organization for a few years, I’ve had a chance to watch her transform into this executive power woman that she’s slowly become. Her efforts have paid off for her too as she has already risen to an upper management level position.

It was really fascinating to watch. She’s one of the few people I try to emulate. We’ve also become friends so we talk regularly. She is one of the few people at work who know about my anonymous mentoring.

With that said imagine my surprise when she told me earlier this week that she’s noticed a difference in me over the last few months. Knowing that the readers of this blog would love to hear more I pressed her for specifics.

I’m sure she will correct me if I get this wrong. But she told me that I seem more confident, more capable, and appear ready to advance to the next level. The funny thing is I’m still the same person I was a few months ago, I’m just behaving differently.

I had a discussion with some other EQmentor folks during a chat session about my issues with self-regulation. The question that came up is what have I done to improve that area. To be honest I have not specifically done anything yet. But just by being aware that self-regulation is my weak area I am more aware of that in my day-to-day life. My mother used to always tell me to think before I speak. We seem to never listen to our mothers, but I have listened to my mentor who has given me the same advice.

I have another friend who told me that he has also noticed a change in me. It’s such a great affirmation to get this kind of feedback from friends. I hope if they read this post that they will add their own comments!

Wow. Friday is finally here. It has been a busy week which is why I have not posted much. I’m getting ready to unplug for the weekend and wanted to check in.

This week has been crazy! I got sucked into a project that is consuming a lot of my time and really has nothing to do with my job. The whole project was poorly planned. When there is not good planning and leadership it really shows when it comes time for implementation. And I’m sorry but another department’s lack of planning does not result in my emergency.

Next week I have to set boundaries and it will be hard. For privacy I can’t give too many details but I can give an illustration. Let’s say you are a graphic designer and another department is working on a new product launch. Ideally you would be involved from the beginning to get a feel for the product and have time to make a great design with ample time for feedback and revisions. But instead you are asked a week before product launch to develop an entire marketing campaign. I’m sure you’ve been there.

As frustrating as this is for me, it’s also a great lesson for my own future projects.

Lesson Learned:

• Make sure to involve stakeholders in the beginning. Let them know what will be expected and when so they have time to fit it in to their busy schedules.
• Another person’s lack of planning is not your emergency.
• Learn how to say no.
• Remember that it’s just work! In 6 months I won’t care about this so there is no point in being frustrated now.

So I started my EQmentoring journey a little over a month ago. Seems like now is a good time for a wrap up and check in.

Wow I cannot believe the difference a month has made. A month ago I was whining about my situation at work, complaining about things I can’t change, and feeling very helpless about work in general.

In this past month I have discovered my EQ strengths and weaknesses, learned some basics about EQ, and discovered that I am a procrastinator.

I think the hardest part of this is discovering things about yourself that you did not know. But once you tell yourself, “hey it’s ok I’m going to work on this,” then you discover this inner peace that you never knew you had. So even if you are not perfect (heck who is) you start to accept yourself which then gives you the confidence and spirit to work on areas that you need to work on.

One month ago I identified self-regulation and emotionalism as areas of my EQ to work on. Interestingly enough, my mentor and I talked very little about these areas but I still noticed improvement. Just by being aware that these are my weak areas I was able to constantly keep check of my emotions and reactions to situations.

So what did my mentor and I work on? We had several exchanges initially just to get to know each other. Then we spent some time working on my personal mission statement, career goals, and goals for our 6 month journey. I also had several “issues” at work where I was not sure what to do. Each time I posted a message to my mentor and received a reply with advice. There is an option to mark a post as urgent which lets your mentor know that you need a quick response. This in itself has been a lifesaver and a great learning experience. Hopefully I will learn from these exchanges so that the next time I encounter “issues” like these I will know how to react on my own.

It’s funny, when you go to school you learn how to do calculus, geometry, dissect pigs, but no one ever teaches you how to respond properly to a situation or policy that you don’t agree with or tells you how to get along with a difficult person. I have yet to use calculus, geometry, or pig anatomy outside of school, but EQ is something I use every hour!

I have a few very, close friends who I’ve shared this blog with. The one question they’ve all asked is, “Why am I blogging anonymously.” As my one friend T said, “Web 2.0 is all about transparency and open collaboration. Why would anyone want to hide?”

I’m here to answer that question.

The EQmentor program has anonymity as one of its foundations. The picture below shows you the honor code that must be agreed to each time you log in to the site. (Hint: You can click on the picture to see a larger version of it.)

When I created my account I completed a detailed profile and questionnaire so that I could be matched with an appropriate mentor. Once matched we began communicating with literally a clean slate. We are each assigned a unique ID number and address each other as Dear Mentee and Dear Mentor.

The benefit of a clean slate? There is no bias. My mentor does not know my name, age, sex, race, or place of employment. Nor do I know that information about my mentor. (Though I will confess that it’s fun to guess.)

There is no fear that my mentor will someday interview me for a job or be my boss. (If it happens we would never know.) There is no fear that my mentor may share a company secret with someone else who leaks the secret and gets me fired. There is not fear that my mentor will call my boss and say something that will get me fired. There is no fear that what I say could keep me from being promoted.

Safety.

The key benefit of an anonymous mentor/mentee relationship is a safe environment. I truly have the freedom to ask and say anything. And that is a wonderful, freeing feeling.

So now that I’ve explained why the mentoring process is anonymous, I’ll cover why I’m blogging anonymously.

Blogging anonymously allows me to share my experience with you while upholding the confidentiality of the mentor-mentee relationship I have with my mentor. If my mentor happens upon this site it will not take him or her long to recognize my writing. If I were to disclose my name or personal information it would violate the confidentiality agreement that EQmentor has and put my mentor and me in an awkward position.

I hope this post sheds some light on the anonymity. Feel free to ask questions via comments or just say hello.